I had a signature massage this week at the Spa of the Ritz Carlton by a therapist named Elix.
Was your father in a rush, I asked when he registered you at Censo? Did he just drop the F, in his haste? No, replied Elix, my name is a cross between grandma Elsie and grandpa Alex. I hear they were going to call me Elixier and I am grateful they picked the short version.
So now you know how they have been naming kids in Aruba in the past two or three decades. Let’s say Glenda and Eric had a kid, they would name him Glendrick, of course. Why the added K? Why not?!
Or take for instance the real life example of Anthony & Jean. Yes, there is a kid named Antheajean, walking and talking among us.
Charles & Jane? That’s easy. They named their daughter Charjaine. And why added I? Why not!
Over the past few weeks we have been going through obituaries and social press releases, looking for crazy first names. I hope you all forgive me for the infringement of privacy, but the names are incredibly complex and incomprehensible in seven languages. How do local school teacher memorize these monsters? Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently our society values so-called originality above all, creating meaningless, phonetically complex, impossible to spell and difficult to memorize names, in total disregard of the baby’s considerable difficulties, later in life, to explain his first name, let alone write it.
We realized that families favor certain sounds and letters, names that rhyme, the more complex the better. How about cousins Eldrick, Derrick, Divan, Davin and Darrell? Easy?!
Let’s try something more complex, cousins Jarvis, Jahrvin, Jahrsienne and Jahlyn? Are you comfortable with that?
How about Qushendre, Qusheyden and Qushaylee?
We haven’t invented any of this. Most popular letters are G, J and S; least popular letters are H, I, P, U, V and W, which means no Henry, no Irene, no Peter, no Ursula, and no Vivian!
Not a single good old bible-inspired name.
Anyway, put on your seat belt, we’re going on a linguistic adventure; the following is Aruba’s modern baby name dictionary, in alphabetical order:
Akyrah, Aishwayra, Amish, Ar-Xanne, Anwynn, Alghian, Artoir and ArlexDavid
Braylon.
Charmainy, Charlaine, Chedsel, Cyanne, Chesron, Clyphan, and Cee-Cyon.
Dainalys, Devaughn, Dylaisha, Danisha, Djessenia, Darylyne, D’Jeandrick, D’Lainey, Dashenka and Darshawn.
Eirian
Frangina and Franslin
Gilliandra, Gringer, Giannely, Gixelangela, Giovangelo, Gesinio, Ghiamylane, Ghiannon, Ghialmar, Ghizienne, Ghaiyzion and Ghizlainy
Joyrick, Jesviance, Jurienne, Jayly-Ann, Jeliane, Jhanirha, Jasory, Jasmeline, Jasorick, Jayli, Jion, Jamyliane, Ju-Ailly, Jermar, Josey, Jurandrick, Jeanelys, Jeanayla, Jo-Annie, Jayquin, Johairo, Jesselaine, Jennelaine, Jescaraine, Jenneviene, Jahlyone, Jdylienne, Jean-Te, Jarredson, Juandro, Jayron, Jeliandra,Jayven, Jirzion and Julirey.
Kenrick, Kathlene, Kadisha, Kymani, Kaynar and Keyshawn.
Li-Anne, Lifrendly and Lydienne.
Minielsy, Marilushka and Makaylee.
Nayree, Najean, Nashmine and Nay-Amy.
Osneil, Ottmare
Quishone, Quilion, Quilla and Q-Jay.
Randerly, Rozeal, Raidan and Richinell.
Shaquir, Shekainah, Shandjeny, Shakion, Shavenk, Saina, Shamiro, Shamark, Sharetty, Shedmun, Shereline, Shanuska, Shrenda, Shudion, Shaqceli, Shakely, Shay-Mery and Seanwyn.
Tyrese, Tharlee, Tatiaa and Tshawnee
Xavion
Yon and Yshandro.
Zixienne, Zul-Anne, Zyren, Zaion, Zinayli, Zayn and Zhyon.